I'm a huge sinner, I'll never be a saint

    Have you ever felt like you're the worlds biggest sinner and surely there is no hope in ever becoming a saint?

    Well, that's exactly what satan wants you to think...in fact, it's probably him whispering it in your ear.

    He wants to push you to the point of saying, "Hey, I'm just too sinful...why try"

    Now hear me out...I feel your pain, I fell for the lies.  No more.
    Am I completely virtuous now?  Nope...still working on plenty of my sinful ways. 

    I often visit a website called mysticsofthechurch.com

    One of their articles gave me great hope to continue battling the sins I am prone to.

    You know your favorite Saint...I will bet that he or she was not always "pure as the driven snow".   We have "all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).

    The following is from the website I just mentioned:
    A a Good Shepherd nun from New York named Sr. Mary Crown of Thorns (1884-1937) who reportedly bore the stigmata. Just prior to her becoming a nun, and during a time which she had allegedly already been given some extraordinary mystical graces, she apparently wrote some very racy and inappropriate letters to a physician friend whom she was romantically interested in at the time.

    In the Old Testament story of King David we find in David a visionary and servant of God who at one point committed two very grave "mortal" sins--adultery and then murder---yet because of his incredibly deep repentance afterwards, God continued to work with and through him throughout the rest of his remarkable life.

    Or again, studying the life of the great St Augustine, the universally acclaimed Doctor of the Church, we find that in his early years prior to his extraordinary conversion he had lead quite an immoral life, having a son out of wedlock with his concubine, along with the giving of himself to various questionable worldly pursuits. And who could forget his noteworthy statement "Lord, grant me chastity and continence, but not yet!" Nevertheless, in his defense we find that in the years after his conversion he led a life of solid piety and heroic virtue, as the Church itself has officially declared.

    We can find another example in the story of St. Mary of Egypt where we have a woman who, at the age of 12, runs away from home and soon afterwards becomes a prostitute in the city of Alexandria. She continued to live a extremely dissolute life until at age 17 when she traveled to Jerusalem for the great annual Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. She undertook the journey as a sort of "anti-pilgrimage," stating that she hoped to find in the pilgrim crowds at Jerusalem more abundant customers for her life of prostitution. Her biographers reveal how she helped to pay for her passage to Jeruselum by offering sexual favors to other pilgrims, and she continued her habitual lifestyle for a short time in Jerusalem.

    God however had other plans her. As she tried to enter the Church of the Holy Sepulchre for the celebration, she was barred from doing so by an unseen force. Realizing that this was because of her impurity, she was struck with remorse, and upon seeing an icon of the Theotokos (the Virgin Mary) outside the church, she prayed for forgiveness and promised to give up her life of sin. Once again she attempted to enter the church, and this time was permitted in. After venerating the relic of the true cross, she returned to the icon of the Blessed Virgin Mary to give thanks, and suddenly she heard the Virgin Mary speak to her, telling her:
    "If you cross the Jordan, you will find rest for your soul."

    She then went to the Jordan and ended up at the monastery of St. John the Baptist on the bank of the River Jordan, where she went to Confession and afterwards Holy Communion. The next morning, she crossed the Jordan and retired to the desert to live the rest of her life as a hermitess in penance and reparation for her sins.

    And so, the simple fact is that Church history is replete with sinners turned saints, a portion of whom were, or became, mystics and visionaries.

    I know that I will never, ever give up trying to conquer my sinful nature.  It's in that battle that we may one day be called..."Servant of God" or who knows...even "Saint"! 
    Now there's a goal worth shooting for :)

    Love and Blessings, Wendy C.

    "Healing Mind, Body & Soul"




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