I've spent most of the month trying to come to terms with things that have hurt me deeply over the past 53 years.
I have shed a whole lot of tears.
Until we reconcile with past hurts, we will not be at peace.
In 1995, we were in a horrific auto accident that nearly claimed my life.
It did claim the life of my unborn child, a few weeks later.
A few days after the accident, my husband had to return to work, so he could support our family of 6, soon to be 7.
A very close relative (I never name names..serves no purpose) said she would be over first thing in the morning to take care of my 7, 4, 3, and 8 month old.
She didn't show up until much later that day, and I was on 100% bed rest because of many broken bones, torn ligaments in my back, a mangled leg (which still hurts to this day), hematomas, etc.
I couldn't take pain killers because I was pregnant....so I was in excruciating pain.
The baby (my 8 month old) started crying and I called for my 7 year old (my oldest) for help. It was early and he didn't hear me.
I remember sobbing because I was unable to get out of bed to grab her.
I called for my 4 year old and he came running. I asked if he could grab her out of her crib and lay her next to me (I was unable to hold her because of broken bones).
He said, "Mommy, I can't, I'm too short"I asked him to go wake his 7 year old brother to help.
My 3 year old woke up during all the commotion and crawled into bed next to me.
My 4 year old crawled into the crib and handed my 8 month old daughter to his 7 year old brother.
They all got in bed with me and we prayed for that certain relative to show up, as my baby daughter cried.
I don't think I ever felt so hopeless, helpless, and abandoned in my life.
I asked my 7 year old to get a piece of paper and a pen, so I could write the number for him to call. He called, the call was never answered..but she did show up a few hours later.
Do I hold animosity? I did for a while..I no longer do.
A few weeks later, I lost our fully formed and beautiful baby. I nearly had a complete breakdown.
You can let it make you bitter or make you better.
I use it as fuel to help me help others through our Giving Missions.
I know how it feels to feel all alone..helpless and hopeless.
I made a heartfelt recording for you, below. I tried to hold back the tears.
Love and blessings...Your Sister in Christ, Wendy
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