IRISH HUMOR

What can I say... I'm Irish, I find these little jokes hilarious!
And yes, I know my name is "Polish", that is due to "marriage". It happens.

As Saint Philip Neri once said, we take ourselves far too seriously most of the time! Let us add humor to our lives! Always remember that humor is a gift from God!

Feel free to email me your favorite Irish Humor!

AN IRISH BLESSING:

May your blessings outnumber
The Shamrocks that grow
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

AN IRISH BLESSING

May your home be filled with laughter
May your pockets be filled with gold
And may you have all the happiness
Your Irish heart can hold

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were ge tting a group together to go right now."

AN IRISH BLESSNG

May the good saints protect you
And bless you today
And may troubles ignore you
Each step of the way

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

AN IRISH BLESSING

May your pockets be heavy-
Your heart be light
And may blessings pursue you
Each morning and night

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

AN IRISH BLESSING

Like the warmth of the sun
And the light of the day,
May the luck of the Irish
shine bright on your way.

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

AN IRISH BLESSING

May the love and protection Saint Patrick can give
Be yours in abundance As long as you live.

98 YEAR OLD MOTHER SUPERIOR FROM IRELAND WAS DYING.

THE NUNS GATHERED AROUND HER BED TRYING TO MAKE HER LAST JOURNEY COMFORTABLE. THEY TRIED GIVING HER SOME WARM MILK TO DRINK BUT SHE REFUSED IT.

ONE OF THE NUNS TOOK THE GLASS BACK TO THE KITCHEN AND REMEMBERING A BOTTLE OF IRISH WHISKEY RECEIVED AS A GIFT THE PREVIOUS CHRISTMAS, SHE OPENED IT AND POURED A GENEROUS AMOUNT INTO THE WARM MILK.

BACK AT MOTHER SUPERIOR'S BED, SHE HELD THE GLASS TO HER LIPS. MOTHER DRANK A LITTLE, THEN A LITTLE MORE AND BEFORE THEY KNEW IT, SHE HAD DRUNK THE WHOLE GLASS DOWN TO THE LAST DROP.

"MOTHER," THE NUNS ASKED WITH EARNEST, "PLEASE GIVE US SOME WISDOM BEFORE YOU DIE."

SHE RAISED HERSELF UP IN BED AND SAID, "DON'T SELL THAT COW!"

Grant me a sense of humor, Lord,
the saving grace to see a joke,
To win some happiness from life,
And pass it on to other folks.