The Christian Family | cukierski.net/library/christianfamily.shtml

	We are continually adding new articles, so check back often as our library grows! [Back to Library]

Shortly after Christmas, the Church celebrates the Feast of the Holy Family. The goal of every family is (or should be) to be holy, to be close to God. The purpose of the family is for the members to help one another grow in holiness and thereby get to Heaven. Because of the breakdown of the family in our country during the last 40 years (the roots of the problem go back farther), it is worthwhile to think and pray about God’s design for the family.

We can begin with the role of society. Society is to the family as land is to a house. It is not part of the structure itself, but it has a lot to do with the stability of the structure. As Jesus said, a house built on sand is likely to collapse. This is the unfortunate situation in which we find ourselves today, in the United States and throughout the world. Yet this type of society makes it all the more important that the family strive for holiness.

The role of society is to support the members of the family in helping one another to get to Heaven. Society should not try to replace the family, as happens with things like daycare and sex education. Society should not ignore the family, as can happen in the workplace when men are expected to work long hours or for wages that cannot support their families. Society should not change the God-given structure of the family, which is ideally: a mother, a father, and children.

By society we mean a number of things. The media should support the family by, believe it or not, promoting high moral standards and inspiring people to holiness. The government should make society a safe place to raise a family, and ensure freedom for parents to make decisions for their families. The economy, the workplace, should provide stable jobs with adequate pay. Families should not have to fear, day by day, for income for food, shelter, and clothing. In the family itself, the mother and father have natural, God-given roles. This is not to say that every family can follow this model. Sometimes the father or mother dies at a young age. Sometimes one or the other leaves, or was not there from the beginning. Sometimes God does not give a married couple the gift of children. These situations are always tragic. In situations where there is a single parent raising children, the extended family members (as well as friends) should help as much as possible in assisting and supporting the family.

The father is the head of the family. The family’s relationship with the outside world should be governed by him. If society is doing its job, the father should be able to work a reasonable number of hours, then be home to help his wife raise children. His pay should be such that his salary alone can provide adequately for his family.

The mother is the heart of the family. Decisions regarding the day-to-day running of the home should be made by her. She should be home to raise children while they are small (at the minimum). As archaic or chauvinistic as that sounds to many people today, it is simply a recognition of the fact that God has given the most important role to mothers. No one has the ability to raise a child as well as that child’s mother, if she lives up to her potential.

There are other ways in which the father and mother have different roles in raising children. Both parents need to discipline children, and on a daily basis the mother will actually do more of this if she is home with her children. But there is a sense in which the father is the final word, the “enforcer”. Mothers sometimes complain that their teenage boys no longer listen to them, but still listen to their fathers. The unfortunate fact is that men have a difficult time accepting discipline from women, and this begins in the teenage years.

On the other hand, while both parents need to provide emotional support for their children, there is a sense in which the mother has the closer emotional bond. This is a result of the bond formed while the child is in the womb, the greater amount of time spent with the mother as a child, and the fact that women inherently function on a more emotional level than men. A Marine Corps sergeant once said that when men lay dying on the battlefield, they invariably call out for their mothers. Such is the strength and permanence of the bond between mother and child. Needless to say, the greatest love that has ever existed in human history is that of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary, the love between a mother and her child.

Children are the primary reason for marriage, and are the greatest gift that can be given to a married couple. In the animal world, offspring are raised in a few years at the most, and are ready to be on their own. Human beings are different, because they are the only animals with an immortal soul. With an immortal soul comes reason and free will. These take time to develop and grow, which is why human beings are not ready to be on their own until they approach twenty years of age. As someone once said, parents must spend the first 18 months of a child’s life trying to convince him that he is the most important thing in the world; then they must spend the next 18 years trying to convince him he is not!

The most important thing for children to learn is charity, or Christ-like love. As St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “And now there remain faith, hope and love, these three: but the greatest of these is love.” It is out of love that Christ was obedient to His Father, obedient even unto death on the cross. Obedience and sacrifice are true love, the love that children must learn from their parents, and therefore the love in which parents must constantly grow. Children cannot learn this from parents who fail to discipline them. Neither can they learn it from parents who lose their temper, and who discipline their children out of anger. The computer, of all things, can be compared to a good parent. It has specific rules that it enforces; it does not give in to those who want to break the rules; and it never loses its temper!

The model for all families to follow is the Holy Family. On May 1, the Church celebrates the feast of St. Joseph the Worker. He lived a holy life, loved his wife and child, and worked hard to support them. On January 1st we celebrate the Feast of Mary, Mother of God. The title says it all; the highest honor ever given to a human being, the highest honor that can be conceived for a human being, is to be a mother – the Mother of God. And Jesus Christ, even though He is God the Son, still was obedient to his human mother and foster father.

Fr. Michael Driscoll is the pastor of St. Mary’s Church in Rock Island, IL. He says the Latin Mass and is the spiritual director of the local Catholic homeschooling group, HOME (Heart of Mary Educators). Fr. Driscoll is also a long distance runner and makes a fine showing in the local marathons.