Do
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Through the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, God has given you the power
to labor with Him in the procreation and formation of souls for
heaven. He has entrusted to you this privilege and duty -- to instruct,
correct, guide, encourage and console them in His name. God has
given you the power to command and to teach. Be vigilant in warding
off the evils which may prove injurious to any individual in the
family or to the family as a whole. You must provide with tender
solicitude for the spiritual and corporal needs of those whom God
has entrusted to your care, securing the rights of each, and protecting
the weak from the strong. You are to correct and punish leniently
and charitably their faults and defects. What glory and honor for
a man to be thus made God's helper and co-operate with Him in the
salvation and sanctification of souls!
You are the parents of these souls, not the master of them. You
must act as a kind physician, not as a tyrant. Treat them not as
slaves, but as children. Be meek, affable, and condescending. Paternally
reach out to each one with a loving heart. Your constant preoccupation
must be to maintain within your family a spirit of unity, that sweet
charity which causes the members to be of one heart and soul.
The government of souls is the art of arts, the science
of sciences!
God has entrusted the care of the weak to you who also are weak.
If you humbly ask for His guidance, He will bless and sanctify your
labors. You must absolutely put all your trust in Him. The imperfections
in your children serve to train you in the art of governing. As
you correct, form, and bear with them, it is you who will grow in
prudence, zeal, mild firmness and discretion, and the ways of God.
Be full of charity and indulgence for your children and your neighbors,
bearing with them in all kindness.
Noble, generous and solidly virtuous parents are rarely disheartened.
Never make any correction in haste or in anger, but always with
prudence and with patience. Weak persons tend to be naturally more
domineering, more cruel and more severe than those who are strong.
You cannot fail to notice that often the aged, the sickly, the sad,
and the melancholy, the ill-humored, the full-blooded youth, and
those having poor talents are prone to be more domineering in disposition.
A broad mind is indulgent in excusing, while overlooking and easily
forgiving the faults of others. Be not narrow-minded; be not over-just;
be not severe, or rigid, or hard toward others. Rather, be willing
to excuse and forgive. Never measure the favors which you do for
others, or keep count of the number of faults which you must daily
pardon.
Prudence must be your compass. A lack of prudence will render you
useless, and what is more, will be a positive evil to your family.
A prudent parent is careful only to command what is just and easy
to perform. He who wishes to secure perfect obedience should give
but few orders. A wise guardian realizes that authority is conferred
to edify and save, not to crush and destroy. Wisdom will inspire
you to speak little and listen much.
The government of souls is a gift the Holy Ghost imparts to those
parents who are most intimately united with Him in love and in constant
prayer. Successful parenting is a mission beyond the power of even
the holiest man, unless he is assisted by God!
Pray Always!
The foundation of your office of parenting is piety and the spirit
of prayer. Without God's help, you labor in vain. Your most important
duties lie in giving instruction, giving good example, and praying.
Such a parent wins the hearts of his children, and subjects their
wills to his. It is charity and tenderness which make him singularly
persuasive over his children, inducing them to love him, and increasing
his love for them.
The office of a parent is not a rest, but a labor; not only an honor,
but a burden; not a pledge of security, but a forecast of dangers.
A parent will not be saved or lost alone. To fail to correct abuses
of obedience and respect in the home is to authorize evil and open
the door to every disorder. It is the ultimate ruin of peace. Good
example is the shortest and most effective means of leading your
children to God. A holy parent turns his home into a nursery of
saints. A soul filled with divine love enkindles those souls among
which it is placed.
A parent who is lacking piety and virtue is the scourge of his family.
Parents, you must be holy in order to sanctify your children. You
cannot impart to them what you yourself do not possess. You must
hate and detest evil, inspiring your family with an aversion to
sin, to vanity, and to all impurity. You must be detached from the
goods and vanities of this world and filled with divine love. Holiness
alone is able to captivate minds, move hearts, instill confidence,
subject wills, and compel children to sweetness and to virtue.
You cannot rule the will of another unless you hold his
heart in your hand.
But how are you to capture the hearts of your children? You must
live as a saint. Be meek, kind and amiable, affable and obliging
to all. Your charity must always be generous, essentially active,
and manifest itself by works. If you must correct, it should be
done with kindness, frankness and patience. The title of parent
is in reality only a slavery. You must serve your spouse and your
children with respect, with meekness and kindness, quickly forgiving
and forgetting every fault committed against self.
Harshness, by embittering the heart, ruins everything and begets
hatred. It is meekness which renders obedience easy, for we obey
with pleasure the man who is meek and reasonable. A spirit of meekness
is particularly divine. If God Who is infinitely wise and powerful,
governs us with consideration and with respect, what parent dare
to govern with haughtiness and severity! Entreat rather than command.
The gentle dove coos sweetly, caressing with its wing him who strikes
it, for it has no gall. Let us be as doves, yielding to the will
of others in all that is lawful.
A vigilant parent is ever on guard against the ambushes of the enemy.
He has been given the sacred duty of protecting the souls entrusted
to him. Constant vigilance is essential to protect your family from
evil. Watchfulness has two objects: to anticipate and prevent evil,
and to do good.
Worry is weakness.
A good parent is attentive and watchful. He is not timid, easily
alarmed, mistrustful, or suspicious. You must imitate God's large
heart which bears without worry all idolaters, unbelievers, schismatics,
and heretics -- all the sinners of the world, patiently awaiting
their conversion. Perfection bears with imperfection. You cannot
correct those at fault by repelling them. Receive them in a friendly
manner, bear with them in patience, with gentleness and kindness.
Be firm and clear in your correction. Bide your time till all are
calm. Begin always with a prayer to God the Holy Ghost and to the
Blessed Mother. The most profitable correction requires a calm heart
and a tranquil mind, both by the one who receives it, and by the
one who administers it. Do not reprove your child for every fault.
Often repeated reproofs are worrisome. He who is too often reproved
may become easily discouraged or grow reckless. Those who commit
grievous faults should be treated with kindness.
The imperfections which may be found in every member of the family
allow you to practice heroic virtue. Order and holiness are preserved
only by continual combat. True virtue is deepened and strengthened
by what is difficult. To be genuine, virtue must pass through the
crucible of contradiction. Pray unceasingly and in a special manner
for those children who are your incorrigible ones. Prayer is often
the only means by which their souls can be won over to Jesus Christ.
Take up your cross!
Yes, the life of every good parent is a martyrdom! It is to drink
daily from the chalice of Jesus Christ Crucified. To be good parents,
you must have a deep and true love of the Cross. It is by changing
serpents into doves and tigers into lambs that you will be representative
of Christ the Good Shepherd, and prove yourself a worthy parent,
a man fit to beget and save souls.
Fr. Gerreol Girardey Qualities
of A Good Superior 1920
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